Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Irrelevant Nonsense Or Your Money Back 2014

Dear Friends,

It would seem appropriate to start our New Year greeting with this picture of newborn twin Platypuses:


Note that plural is not Platypi - Platypus is Greek, not Latin. Now here's why the Platypus has earned pole position in the New Year greeting: the interface to its visual cortex is, like ours, the eye. But only when it’s not diving. When diving, the interface switches over to its beak; through sonar impulses picked up by those two nostrils on the beak, its visual cortex creates a 3D image of everything under water while the platypus’ eyes are closed. Because, nature. Platypus means flat-foot. You would think they could come up with something a bit more dignified for this extraordinary animal.

And that leads us almost inevitably to my new profession, a Palmer. Wikipedia has this definition: In the Middle Ages, a palmer (Latin: palmarius or palmerius) was a Christian Pilgrim, normally from Western Europe, who had visited the holy places in Palestine, and who, as a token of his visits, brought back a palm leaf. In 2014, however, it means someone who makes organic ethanol, tapping dwarf palm trees while boosting the yield with a secret sauce we developed in Sri Lanka. In the excitement I have reserved the website www.driveorganic.com. And of course www.gmef.asia - both still under development.

    



But before it all gets too serious and relevant, here's a lovely statue I found in Sri Lanka.


It's a great example of the difficulty experienced by the arts before the invention of the selfie stick. We can easily imagine the conversation taking place in the studio:

"Stop waving your arms like that. I can't concentrate."

"What, you think it's easy balancing on this fitness plate? I'm getting cramps."

"Just keep your arms still. And be quiet."

"Can't you ask Dolly? I'm getting cold, too. Can I put my shirt back on?"

"Listen, you stay where you are, or I'll file a complaint with your union."

"But why can't I just wear my shirt? This is embarrassing. Imagine if one day my son discovers a copy of this sculpture under his classmate's bed? Then what? My name will be mud."

"Will you be quiet already?! It's almost finished - two more days at the most. And stop waving those arms."

And so the conversation must have gone on and on. No wonder many artists went mad.

I also learned about the Buddha's Tooth, and more specifically, this lovely story. The British had taken possession of the Tooth Relic in 1815 to teach the Singhalese who was in charge. In 1828, Ceylon experienced a punishing drought, and the Singhalese farmers demanded that the tooth be paraded in Kandy to end the drought. The British Governor sir Edward Barnes thought this would be a great opportunity to teach them a lesson about superstition, and whose religious beliefs were superior, so he agreed. Unfortunately, a couple of hours into the parade they had to call it off because of sudden torrential rains. It didn't stop raining for weeks, and the Governor's House had to be abandoned. 

Finally, as we're on the subject of indie art, Catherine starred in this video from all of us to all of you.



Please accept our warmest greetings for 2015